To Walk Down the Aisle
by shinrai
Summary: SECOND CHAPTER UP!!!!!syaoran has only one dream left unfulfilled. to walk down the aisle with the woman he loves in his arms. but something's stopping sakura. something he should know and she's not telling.
1. When it Feels Too Good to be True, It's ...

To Walk Down the Aisle

Shinrai

Disclaimer: I do not own CCS.  I am poor.  I am penniless.  I refuse to be sued.

A.N.:  I feel sad.  Sorry if I have to drag everyone else who reads this in my misery.  But angst is a good thing every now and then.  I actually find it healthy.

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**Chapter I: When it Feels Too Good to Be True – It's too Good to Be True.**

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            Clasping Sakura's hands within his, Syaoran thinks life couldn't be better.  Having her here beside him was even better.  Knowing she loves him…well, that'll forever be the best.

            He racked his brain again and wondered for the nth time what in God's name has he done.  He shrugged inwardly as he looked at Sakura beside him.  Whatever it was, it must have been good that Kami-sama decided to bless him with her.

            He looked back at the past three years and sighed.  He had spent the last three years in Hong Kong and had only been back last month.  He was called by the elders to move back.  It was expected.  He knew he had to return to Hong Kong when he turns twenty. He was obliged to since it was the age when he would officially become the Clan Leader.  But he had to leave Sakura behind.  They weren't engaged yet so he couldn't ask her to leave Japan for him.  And imagine Touya's reaction if he even dared ask.  He'd probably skin him alive.

            The three years he spent away from her was the longest three years in his whole life.  He tried to talk to her at least five times in a week.  At least.  And that was hard to keep with his chaotic schedule. It was pure bliss for him to hear her voice.  Unfortunately, not once during those three years was he able to return to Japan to visit.  The elders forbade him to leave without having completed the first three crucial years of his term.  And he had no choice but to obey protocol.  It was another blessing that Sakura understood.  She never reprimanded him for not being there with her.  She only understood.  That was why as soon as those first three years was done, he took the first flight back to Tomoeda.

            But there was still a problem.  The elders allowed him six months to stay in Japan, but he was told that he had to do everything he needed to do within those six months.  Because after six months, he had to return to Hong Kong and fulfill his duties as Clan Leader.  He had a clan to think about now.  And the future of his family now lies in his hands.  And he still has his relationship with Sakura to think of.  The bad part was the fact that no two were in the same place.  One was in Hong Kong, and the other in Japan.  And there was only one solution he could think of so could have the best of both worlds.  Marry her.  Which isn't surprising, really.  It was the next best thing to do.  He just didn't know if he was good enough for her.

            He looked back at Sakura again.  Here was his life.  All he had to was take her with him.

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            Touya watched the dark liquid in his mug spinning in motion with his teaspoon.  For the last two years, this was his comfort.  Him and a mug brimming with hot coffee.  He couldn't remember how he started getting addicted to caffeine.  Probably from the vendo machines that sells scalding hot coffees in Styrofoam cups.  All he knew was when he was drinking coffee, he was less agitated.  Ironic since coffee is supposed to be non-depressant[1].  At least his vice was better than alcohol.  Caffeine had driven him to the brink of delirium, but never to the brink of death.

            He heard the front gate open and muffled voices uttering sweet shenanigans.  He checked the clock.  Eight-oh-five.  Normally, he would have barged through the door, lifted the gaki clean off his feet and demanded their whereabouts.  He still has the unfaltering urge to do that, but he made a promise to Sakura..  his grip on the mug visibly tightened, but he controlled himself.  The gaki wasn't his problem.

            He waited for the front door to close before he called out to his sister, "Sakura?"

            Sakura appeared on the kitchen floor with a soft smile playing on her lips, "I knew you'd be here."

            "How are you?" he asked.

            "I'm okay." She took the seat opposite his, "You worry too much, Oniichan."

            He didn't say anything.  He really didn't like being told that he was sweet or affectionate or sentimental.  But he appreciated it when Sakura mentions it.  At least she knew she mattered.  It was important that she knew that.

            He switched topic, "have you told him?"

            Her shoulders heaved adding a shadow on her tired face, "not yet."

            He took another sip from the mug.  He didn't want to do this.  It wasn't his issue.  He took a deep breath as he looked into his sister's emerald eyes.  Only one woman has those eyes other than Sakura, and he could still remember her.  "I'm not affectionate about the gaki.  But you have to be honest with him.  There's no use hiding it from him," he had thought about this conversation for a long time already.  And he knew he was dong the gaki and her a favor, "that's the best you can do for him.  Besides, he needs to know."

            Sakura was quiet.  He could almost see the thoughts weighing in her mind.  She sighed deeply and looked at him with a sad smile, "You're right," she bit on her lower lip obviously wounded by the thought, "I'll tell him tomorrow."

+++

            Syaoran sat on the edge of his bed smiling.  Today was perfect.  His life was perfect.  And it was only going to get better.  He could hardly believe it.  It was almost too good to be true.

            He stood and walked towards his night table and opened the drawer beneath.  Inside lay a small velvet box.  He had hand-carried this box with him from Hong Kong.  He took the box and opened the lid carefully.  Inside lay a ring.  This was the same ring his mother wore through her whole engagement with his father.  A diamond solitaire set on platinum[2].  He had the clan's blessing to offer this heirloom to the woman he loves.

            He had always believed that what he wanted was to be the Clan Leader his family expected him to be.  Strong, powerful, dominant, and respected.  Funny, now that he has achieved all of that and more, he realizes it wasn't what he really wanted.  And if it isn't such an irony, what he wanted was just a simple life.  A life shared with Sakura.  Just that.  Nothing more.

            He stared at the ring lying on a soft bed of silk.  Tomorrow, he'll ask her for that life.

+++

            Hand in hand, Syaoran and Sakura walked through the flower-strewn dirt-path in the Tsukimine Shrine.

            "Where exactly does this road lead to?" he asked her brushing a lock of hair off her face.

            "To a lake."

            "I didn't know there was a lake in this part of the shrine," he said trying to concoct a plan to propose to her.

            "Not too many people go there.  But there's a legend about that lake."

            "Tell me about it."

            She looked at him as if weighing how much she'd tell, "Well, they used to say lovers go there to make vows to each other."

            He was a lucky guy.  It was just the timing he needed, "what kind of vows?"

            "Vows of love, I suppose," she replied the wind tinting her cheeks, "people said that those lovers lead lives of undying love for the one they made a promise to.

            Syaoran smiled.  _'Perfect.'_

            They reached the lake and stood by the bank admiring the view of the sparkling waters and the mountain peaks behind it.  The world was absolutely beautiful in spring.

            He turned to her, "you said people make vows here?"

            She nodded.

            "I'd like to make a vow here too."

            She turned to him with an amused look.

            He stared into her handsome emerald eyes, "I promise to love, care, protect, adore, make you happy, and spoil you rotten for the rest of your life."

            She laughed, a soft tinkering of bells, "Thank you," she sighed looking back at him with a look that showed love, "I wish I could make you happy."

            His eyes began to light up slowly, "do you want to know what would make me happy?"

            "What?"

            he took her hands in his with a euphoric smile that masked anxiety, "to walk down the aisle with the woman I love in my arms," he reached inside his coat and took out the small velvet box, "and I spend my life taking care of her," with great care, he opened the box and revealed the exquisite piece of jewelry he had carried over the sea for her.  And looking into her with no mask of inhibition or pretenses, just love,  he asked, "Can you share your life with me?"

            Sakura's eyes were wide, looking down at the diamond solitaire ring.  _'He loves me more than I think he does.'  _She sighed deeply before looking back into the eyes of the only man she has ever truly loved, "I can't."

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Footnotes: 

[1] Non-depressant doesn't literally mean it's not depressing.  It's a term used for drugs or any element that doesn't make you drowsy.

[2] I saw one some time ago.  The thing was absolutely divine.  That's a lot cominf from someone who doesn't bother much about jewelry.

A.N.: I'm good at procrastinating.  And I'll procrastinate more if I don't get reviews.  Sorry if I sound like a brat.  But I'm already miserable and I need uplifting.  If I get good reviews, I swear I'll update sooner. I'm open to critism and suggestions.  But it doesn't matter, this story's plot is already outlined.  If you like irony, I think you'll like this.


	2. Reality Bites Hard

To Walk Down the Aisle

Shinrai

**Disclaimer**: I do not own CCS.  I am poor.  I am penniless.  I refuse to be sued.

**A.N.:**  I'm sorry if this took a week-fine, over a week- to update but I had some mess to clean and lots of work on the side.  You'll now know Sakura's dark secret.  No biggie really.  Now I'll stop prattling and leave you alone to read. Enjoy.

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Chapter II:  Reality Bites Hard 

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_            I can't._

            The words reverberated in his mind like the sound of a gong.  At first he thought he must have misheard her.  His anxiety getting the better of him.  But the sad look on his girlfriend's face said something else.  What was wrong?

            "Why?" 

            She closed his hand over the small velvet box he had offered to her.  What was wrong?

            "I just can't share a life with you," her eyes were reflecting sadness.  

            Why was she doing this if it pained her as much as it did to him?

            "Please understand, Syaoran,"  she said, a sound of pleading in her soft voice, "three years had been a long time…"

            "Don't you love me anymore?" 

            For a moment he regretted asking.  Of course.  How could she not change?  Three years was indeed long.  And the painful realization surged through his psyche.

            But she just shook her head, "No," her eyes was a little misty, "I still love you like I did before."

            "Then why?"  His mind was looking for an answer. Yet nothing came.  No solace forthcoming that made him understand her.  The only thing visible was the impending answer to a dreaded question.  Yet he still tried to reassure, more himself than her.  He was beginning to get frantic, "are you not ready yet?  I can wait.  We can delay the wedding.  How much time do you need?  A year? Two?  Three?"

            She was shaking her head again, "A lot of things have happened."

            Of course.  Why didn't he see it?  Three years was indeed long, right?  How could he expect her to be able to wait? "Is there someone else?"

            Her misty eyes were already threatening to flow, "there isn't anyone else."

            He was getting frustrated.  He couldn't think of any other reason for her to deny him, "then what is it?"

            She was now crying.  The well pouring out of her eyes in an infinite stream.  He was urged to hold her close.  Hug her.  Love her.  But as he took a step towards her, she stepped back.  Away from him.  That was exactly how he was feeling right now.  With every close proximity he took towards her, she moved away.  Not wanting him to close the gap.

            "There isn't any life I can share with you."

            What was she saying?  His proposal was going on like an endless riddle.  A carousel ride.  They were moving, but they weren't going anywhere.  Only time lapses.  An endless swirl of passage that doesn't really improve matters at hand.  What was this?  She was obviously keeping something from him.  But what was it?

            "Why don't you just tell me what it is?" he said soberly.

            She pursed her lower lip, then very carefully swallowed a lump in her throat.  She looked at him, her cheeks attained with her tears, "I'll be gone soon."

            "I told you I can wait…"

            Sakura cut him off, "you don't understand.  I'll be leaving permanently."

            "To where? I can go with you-"

            She cut him off again, "I'll be gone permanently." She repeated.  More evenly.

            "No one knows when they'll be gone permanently. That's preposterous. You can't be, unless-" he stopped. He looked at Sakura's ashen face. The hollow eyes, the thin frame, the frequent migraines…, "unless you're dying," he finished unsure. "You're not…Please say it isn't… that isn't…" but the look on her face didn't deny what he just said.

"I have a tumor in my brain."

Syaoran shook his head. He refused to believe it. The idea was intricately surreal. It could not just be true. She was healthy. She was an athlete. She even bested him in the track. How could someone like her have a tumor in her brain? It wasn't possible. He shook his head again. No way.

Sakura continued to chew on her lower lip. She sniffed once before she looked up at him, "I have been undergoing chemotheraphy for the past two years," she watched the water on the lake glinting in the fading sunlight, "I haven't been responding well to the theraphy recently." 

A squirrel fresh out of hibernation rubbed his nose with his paws, how could everything be living, and the one person important to Syaoran dying? Fading like the light of the sun. 

"The doctors said I only have four months left. Probably less."

He was still in the stage of denial. It just couldn't be true. But here she was. Telling him she was dying, as everything else was going through rebirth. It didn't seem possible. He was torn between accepting the fact and denying its plausibility. He looked at her through pained eyes, "why didn't you tell me?"

She tore her gaze away from his. Just watching him crumble in pain stung her deep, "I didn't want to hurt you by letting you know."

Syaoran looked at her, and said as contained as he could answered, "You're hurting me now by not."

            Sakura looked at him with irises that reflected his pain, "I'm sorry." Was all she said.  She really didn't have anything else to say.  She stuck her fisted hands in the pockets of her coat as she broke down once again, "But I didn't want you to give up everything you had and loved just to take care of a dying girlfriend."

            Syaoran stepped up to her.  This time, she didn't move away.  He reached for her tear-stained face, cradled it in his palm and with great solemnity told her, "Are you denying me the one thing I want to do?" he took her in an embrace as they both cried in each other's arms, "you're not going to die." He said with indignation, "I'm not going to let you."

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            Touya was angst-ridden.

            He fixed himself another mug of coffee after Yukito went upstairs to change to Yue and meet with the little-stuffed animal of sorts, Keroberos.  They probably will be conversing again about how rotten they feel.  Or maybe that little yellow one will, and Yukito's alter ego will lean on the wall not saying anything.  He couldn't blame them.  He felt rotten himself.

            As the Oniichan, he had always been the protector.  The savior.  The knight in shining armor even before that brat came.  He was able to protect her from bullies (the gaki), her own evil twin (the Mirror), and sometimes even from herself.  Nothing could come close to her without getting to him first.  Yet an egg-sized lump managed to.  And it's winning to take her away too.  

            He remembers the first signs.  Migraines.  A lot of it.  She's pop painkiller after painkiller just to ease the pain.  And when it wasn't enough, she'd take sleeping pills just so she could rest.  The first real blow though was two years ago…

**Flashback:**

            "Sakura," he yelled from the bottom of the stairs.  He didn't get a reply so he started up grumbling, "you better be dressed now, kaijou.  We're always late because of you.  Sonomi-san is waiting already." 

            Still no reply.  If she were still sleeping, he'd drag her out in her nightshirt.  He opened the door, "Saku-" he found her bed empty.  Where was she?

            "Sakura?" if she went on another hunting expedition, she would have left her twin.  He turned towards the bathroom and saw a leg lying on the bathroom floor from the opened door, "Sakura?" he started towards the bathroom with a knitted brow.  He went in and found his sister in her nightshirt lying on the floor, "Sakura!"

            She was clutching her head as if trying to control her pain and her face was streaked with tears.  A thin trail of blood ran down her left cheek from a blow on her forehead.

            "What the…"

            She let out a small anguished cry as she banged her head to the side of the tub.

            "God damn it, Sakura! Stop it!"

            She was still crying.  In pain.  In anguish.  Nothing could be more traumatic than that sight of her lying on the tiled floors of her bathroom.  He didn't know how to help her or how to relieve her pain.  He looked painstakingly around, and that was when he noticed the clumps of brown hair on the floor.  And the bluish-gray bruises on her arms and legs.  He doesn't know much in regards with the medical profession but he knew enough to know that something like this wasn't normal.

            "Ottosan!"

+++

            They brought her to the hospital then.  The doctors put her under tranquilizers and took a battery of tests.

            Three hours.

            He had counted the nurses and doctors that went past him until the vision of white blurred his brain.  Sonomi-kun came with Tomoyo-chan and her boyfriend, Eriol-kun.  Still no results.  

A nurse came out to ask questions.  _When did the bruises start to appear?_  No one knows.  She's been hiding them.  Besides, it was winter_.  The migraines?_  Around Christmas.  About three months ago.  _The hair loss?_  Last week he started teasing her about her thinning hair.  _Her medication?_ Painkillers.  Lots of it.

The nurse assured them she was okay now.  But they still needed more tests.  He called Yukito.

Three more hours.

He now hated hospitals.  Yukito finally came.  Following him was the doctor.

"Immediate family?"

The Kinomoto's moved towards the doctor.

"We need more tests and some of the results will take until tomorrow to be released.  But so far the ones with the results say the same thing."  Touya knew something big was coming.  "I won't lead you off.  The patient might have a tumor in her brain.  The x-rays don't confirm analysis and they only show so much.  The CT scan results will come out tomorrow.  So a diagnosis can only be given after the analysis of the results.  But the other symptoms are there…"

The doctor continued on.  Touya had shut him out already.  A tumor.  That was cancerous, wasn't it?  So it was cancer.  His sister has cancer.  His own mother died of cancer.  Leukemia.  But that was different.  She didn't seem to have gone under so much pain.  Sakura's cancer was visibly more painful.  

He thought he could protect his sister from anything.  He never knew a lump would be such a problem.

End Flashback 

            Touya sipped on his coffee mug.  He couldn't quite understand the concept of death.  How could something so inevitable be so adverse?  He knew that death was a fact of life, but he still couldn't grasp the idea of being able to have something (or someone, in this matter), love it, care for it, nourish it, and invariably lose it eventually.

            He had lost his mother once, and he couldn't do anything.  He was helpless.  Now, years later, his sister was dying, and he still felt as helpless as he did before.  Wasn't there anything, anything at all, that he could do to save her?

+ to be continued +

**A.N. :**  Sorry if it contains just two scenes.  I know fic writing entails a lot of responsibilities, but I have plenty of that in my life at this point so all I ask is understanding.  But if I don't get good reviews I'll stop writing.  And you'll never know what will happen next.  Will they still get married?  For how long?  What could save Sakura from her illness?  Is there anything at all to begin with?  You can tell me what you think.  Go on.  Click that button that says 'review.'  It's calling your name…


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